14

I was talking to Griff tonight about careers. Trying to get him to think about what might interest him. I'm surprised that I feel so much pressure to get him on a track.. any track. This time he decided he wants to pursue art. He wants to be an illustrator. Funny. Me too. I told him to go to college for it, of course.

I'm sitting there feeling pressure, and pressuring him to think about all of this stuff, and then I think back to being 14. I was consumed by anxiety. Not about what to do when I grew up, but what to do about anything and everything. What to wear, who liked me, who didn't like me. Was I about to lose my best friend. I was so wrapped up in what other people thought of me that I did not even consider what I thought of myself, or who I was. I had OCD so bad, that it took me 3 hours to get ready for bed, and 3 hours to get ready for school. For the most part I went through it alone. I worried about making it to the next day, not about being a grown up.

I see Griff, and he is always smiling. He is SO happy and at ease with himself. He is always willing to help. He works on his school work. He is SO NOT anxious. Thank GOD. Thank you. Thank you.

I told him at that point. "You know Griff, you are already far better off than I was at your age, I think you will be just fine." I dropped the subject.